So Far

A thousand wishes
that you were still here.
A thousand tears
each one saying I miss you.
A thousand ways
to think things might have been different.
A thousand sighs
each time I think about why.
A thousand images
of you in my head.
A thousand soundbites
of what you always used to say.
A thousand funny quips
about what you might have said or done.
A thousand tearful giggles
remembering all the times we had, good and bad.
A thousand lost hopes
for all the things to come that you would’ve been a part of.
A thousand realisations
that you are still a part of me and a part of us and everything we do.
A thousand thank yous
for everything you did for me and continue to do.

And millions more to come.

And Finally…

At last I’ve won the bloody Paralympic World Cup at the 4th time of asking, it’s been the only competion I hadn’t won but now I’ve done it and filled a nasty gap in my CV. The PWC has been a bogey competition for me, at my bogey stadium in Manchester – I’m starting to think it’s impossible for to  throw well at the Millenium games warm up track, but I’m nowt if not consistent, and my 31.67 metres yesterday was the furthest I’ve thrown in the PWC, albeit by two centimetres over the distance I threw in 2005.

Lots of positives to take though, as it was the strongest PWC field I’ve had with the top three in the world competing, throwing into the wind was difficult and both Beijing bronze medallist Vanek and world record holder Idoudi struggled. Thomas Green probably threw the best of everyone on the day.

It was a proud moment to win this title finally, especially after loosing the world number 1 spot to Idoudi since Beijjing. It hasn’t been easy preparation for me as I’ve had an infection and been full of cold, and while I wasn’t totally satisfied with how I threw, a win is a win and there’s no better feeling than beating the best in the world,  however far you throw.

I was so happy for my mum, who is only in her second season of coaching me full time, so far she has a 100% record and long may it continue. I wish my dad could’ve been there to see it, but I know he would’ve been looking down loving the result but calling my performance worse than shite.

So I’ll no longer compete as a twenty-something year old, but I won’t feel old and sorry for myself. It’s a new beginning, starting with a new frame and new clubs – I’m excited!

Tick, Tick

Pain isn’t pain anymore.
It’s just an annoying irritation
compared to the feeling of losing you.

The Paralympic World Cup bomb is ticking with a week to go until the athletics kicks off in Manchester on the 25th May. I’m starting to feel pretty hot again after being under the weather for the past few weeks. It’s going to be a hot competition too with the Paralympic Gold and Bronze medallists from Beijing on the starlist. Of course I complete the set and I’m hoping I can break my Paralympic World Cup record of 31.65m and my stadium record of 32.88m. I’ll be in my old frame as my new frame isn’t quite the finished article yet. In the greater scheme of things it’s not massively important that I do well next Tuesday as it’s January that is the main target, but it’s a competition, and I’m in it, so when I’m in it I want to win it. This will be the first time I’ve ever gone into a club competition as the underdog (so long as Mourad comes over) so it will be nice to have a little less pressure, and maybe I’ll be able to enjoy the PWC this year, as it’s been a struggle in the past. The PWC is difficult to prepare for with being so early in the season but if I’m honest it is about time I threw well at it having thrown crap the previous 3 times, I’m due a good throw and it’s time to make it happen.

Special shout out to Paul Collingwood for leading England to the Twenty20 World Cup – He’s a canny lad for a Makem.