Archive for June, 2006

Hypocrites

When I’m done slagging you off
behind your back to people I don’t really know, I’ll
tell you what I think of you.

Probably via e-mail, if I bother.

The Plough

A few words for you.
A flower for youth.
A field of truths

The fields you farmed
are never too far away,
you were grown there.

And the work, oh the work!
Nothing fit for a young man these days,
with early mornings and next-day dawnings.

Yet so full life was,
semi-skimmed not an option and fry-ups
galvanised the rusting lean machines.

Your body naturally blasted,
fit to bring the sunrise with clumbsy clinks
not to mention the pints on Friday night.

The six-pack you now claim to
Fame – in your sons who are
so different to you, yet the same deep down.

Simple ways to have taught,
with sufice so small to say that Hailwood would be proud
as I sat and played on your pride and joy, hours disappeared.

How bitterness settled on your wrist,
with a cheap gold watch made from 25 years
talking shop, another 25 just unthinkable.

Taking bad never suited you
and the lies you thought only scared you,
but we know how lucky we are.

These seeded fields you plough now
have flattened, slowed and are remote controlled,
just as you like it.

Body Types

My body is strange and has a touch of irony. My muscles are exceptionally strong as they fight against each other with every move I make, so it takes a lot of force to injure them. My left hip is very flat with almost no socket around the ball, however my left leg is my strongest leg as its very straight and bears most of my weight. My right hip is almost normal but my right leg is very bent, it doesn’t bear much weight. Which is why my hip injury is causing so much bother because I need every part of my body to function as I do. My walking is ropy at the best of times, so any knock will blow it.

Is There a Difference?

Interesting conversation matieral in the subject of whether there is a difference between shear desire to succeed and just wanting or needing to succeed for want of a better way of putting it (pardon the pun).

Here’s the thing, in some cases the desire to be successful at something because you enjoy it and is fun, is gradually replaced by the need/want to be successful because of the rewards it brings and the lifestyle it allows you. When this happens, I think desire reduces because its no longer as enjoyable because the need to be successful is so important and you automatically take less risks.

It’s something that may be just a natural thing that comes with age, but it’s more complicated than that. Examples of waning desire are things like, as a child there is a great desire for almost everything, as we grow older our focus becomes narrower as the need to get a job and settle down stems the desire to do other things. Newly weds start with thick desire to enjoy the love they share, often the desire drifts into a need to be married. When starting a new job the desire to do well and improve gradually becomes a want to stay employed and stay on the payroll.

It isn’t just a time thing, though time is a factor but its possible for people to maintain their desire and passion for many years, such as Steve Redgrave, Bernard Hopkins, Michael Johnson, Bobby Robson, Richard Branson, Morrissey and I’d like to put myself in that bracket.

For me, desire is intrinsically linked to goals, belief and change. Having the same goal for a long time will inevitably lead to a loss of desire/spirit, and that goes both ways – goals must be attainable yet challenging, setting impressive/ambitious goals will only look good if you acheive them and will probably result in lower performance than usual because of trying to hard. On the other hand setting easy goals and not advancing them once they have been achieved is just as bad as not achieving goals, it gets you stuck in a rutt of routine, changing your goals means changing your approach to acheiving them and thus renewing your desire/enthusiasm.

The other factor I’ve not mentioned is belief, this is different all together yet it is the catalyst that connects it all. It is sort of self-realisation, acknowledging to yourself what you are capable of, what you know is potentially acheivable. This cannot be taught to you or told to you, you have to know. Then belief comes in the means to achieve your potential – how to get there and this is where help and advice comes in, the people who show you the path should believe the same as you otherwise desire can be comprimised.

It’s a common clique that life is tougher at the top, but it’s true. When you get to where you want to be, where do you go? A question I’m often asked, it’s a tough question but my answer is simple – I keep trying to win and improve until I’m satisfied with my performance and don’t think I can do any better. I like to judge true success in life on longevity, not just a one off that no one will know if it was a fluke or not. Some people can’t cope with success like others, it depends whether it was expected or not and deep down goals, money is a factor of course but not as important as is often thought. Who is happy with their slice of the pie or who wants to be a legend?

Its a very fine balance with many more factors than I’ve mentioned, but over complicating situations is another way to shrink desire. A fine line exists between desire and need/want, slipping into a ‘comfort zone’ can be difficult to get out of and you probably will not realise you’re in it.

I’m sure much research has been done in this area and its probably been wrote before, but I just felt like writing my thoughts as I do.

Desire

Into the fire.

We storm to the beedy eye,
there’s much more at stake than pride
but much less than life itself.

The way emotions go
and with decisions in tow,
mere existence matters no more.

Weak heads flounder, lost in a sea of wants and needs
as time drains, so to do the elements of so many dreams
and the pains just seem part of the deal.

In aspiring to these glittering goals before us
the gurding loins only strive so far
– everyone sweats, bleeds and cries but the minority succeed.

Autobiography

Instead of living life,
I might as well
write about it.

Here as I sit,
spill some words to dwell,
another chapter of strife.

A book of this type
has secrets to tell,
about a bit of a tit.

Sitting in a Shop

With me sitting in a shop, time crashes to a stop etc……

With me shitting in a trough etc……..

Speaking

You always speak when you’re eating.
You don’t talk when you’re speaking.
I can’t hear when you’re teaching.
There’s too much space when you’re reaching.

Five weeks on and my knees still won’t part.
It’s like it’s been from the start.
There’s some progress that we can chart.
It’s enough to have heart.

It often seems like I’m crazed.
Wondering about stuff for days.
Alienating you with my ways.
We hardly seem to speak these days.

Presence

Why do want to live
in the past or the future,
not in the present?

Tight Tops

In my opinion I don’t look like a member of a boy band and not like David Beckham either, both often labelled at me. Just because I wear tight tops doesn’t make me gay either, they help sooth some of my insecurities – I feel like bits aren’t gonna drop off my body and don’t feel like the skinny boy I am. I have like reverse annorexia, I think.

With my leg still feeling like 5 weeks in a bad balloon, just come out of a heavy cold and head-butting my shower – I feel like something is against me, probably something to do with actively renouncing the exsistence of God but nevertheless I will continue to drag my body kicking and screaming and it will thank me in the end. I’m used to pain in training but the pain has never stopped me from doing stuff, which is why I’ve been so pissed off. I can see chinks of light now though and soon I hope to get back to what I do best – get people questioning my disability classification and my sexuality (joking mam).

Actually, people don’t read this stuff do they? Apart from mam and my mate Andy……… Oh dear, I better start writing album reviews or web development techniques or latest training tips, or interesting web links. What do you thinks?

http://www.theburglarsdog.com

Can’t think of any poetry right now. Much to everyone’s relief.


Hello



Stephen Miller
Paralympic Athlete/Web Developer
www.stephenjamesmiller.co.uk
hailfabio@hotmail.com
Cramlington, Northumberland, UK

I've been competing in international athletics for over 10 years. Taking part in 4 Paralympic Games and winning 5 medals including 3 golds, a silver and a bronze. I dapple in a bit of web development in between my training, working in the NHS and freelance.

I do a fair bit of public speaking and appearances, feel free to contact me if you think I could be of use.

I've wrote a book titled 'Paralympian', which you can check out here

On this blog there'll be a mish-mash of my general ramblings and bad poetry, feel free to leave comments and stuff.

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